i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
