So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
