My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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