and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
