my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
