I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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