Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
