At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
