i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
