you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
