it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
