I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
