come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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