so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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