Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
