She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
