i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this will be a night to untag.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He better not be in your backpack
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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