They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's rum buckets o'clock
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
