So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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