The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize