I showed him my bush... on skype.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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