You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
