I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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