Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The ass gains better be worth it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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