Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
