Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
MIDGETS
????
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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