SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
