I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
