Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
