I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
smell my finger.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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