just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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