I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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