So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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