i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
