I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
