she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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