At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
