I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it glows. i had to have it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
