I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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