My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
