I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
