you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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