i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
