I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I smell like Dick and happiness
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