Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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