I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
