I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
