btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
