I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
