i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He felt like a one man threesome
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
