Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize