my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
