you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
