Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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