There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm determined to sit on that face.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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