Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
