I seem to have left my pride at pride
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
