if i can run in heels then i can drive
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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