after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
