ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
