oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.