I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So much Jack, so little girl.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything