I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?