Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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  (419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl
  Replies (11) Good night (1206) Bad night (1331)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.

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  (617): That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head. http://tfl.nu/g2zg
  Replies (19) Good night (1102) Bad night (4670)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

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  (814): He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying http://tfl.nu/diyu
  Replies (28) Good night (12347) Bad night (771)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me

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  (312): I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me http://tfl.nu/3z7z
  Replies (11) Good night (4586) Bad night (1358)
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  (845): View more from New York

  They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.

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  (845): They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids. http://tfl.nu/mgv1
  Replies (48) Good night (1818) Bad night (5850)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

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  (540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8
  Replies (22) Good night (6222) Bad night (1153)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.

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  (205): I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rek5
  Replies (15) Good night (4116) Bad night (1406)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.

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  (225): Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds. http://tfl.nu/ti8j
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (1164)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July

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  (609): Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July http://tfl.nu/khgw
  Replies (1) Good night (978) Bad night (591)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future

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  (518): Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future http://tfl.nu/c1z9
  Replies (1) Good night (1135) Bad night (905)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.

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  (571): I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success. http://tfl.nu/s9uu
  Replies (4) Good night (1267) Bad night (448)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.

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  (906): Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists. http://tfl.nu/e9b4
  Replies (3) Good night (1139) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.

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  (832): We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad. http://tfl.nu/9s88
  Replies (3) Good night (1165) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.

  (858): View more from California

  Where did he get the tophat?

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  (858): we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat. (858): Where did he get the tophat? http://tfl.nu/1w08
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (390)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.

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  (+61): I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up. http://tfl.nu/br5b
  Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (277)

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