I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.