Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  How come twittering sounds sexual?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because of Bambi.

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  (609): How come twittering sounds sexual? (267): Because of Bambi. http://tfl.nu/cgx2
  Replies (7) Good night (1526) Bad night (622)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.

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  (407): i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all. http://tfl.nu/cnhy
  Replies (18) Good night (682) Bad night (1517)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off

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  (506): haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off http://tfl.nu/1xv0
  Replies (2) Good night (4415) Bad night (644)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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  (208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands. http://tfl.nu/sr1t
  Replies (26) Good night (6024) Bad night (875)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.

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  (704): you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/wl2h
  Replies (12) Good night (1637) Bad night (3527)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville

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  (647): Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville http://tfl.nu/omyo
  Replies (13) Good night (3125) Bad night (1029)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

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  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (16) Good night (9821) Bad night (1058)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king

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  (571): I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king http://tfl.nu/c906
  Replies (8) Good night (1885) Bad night (632)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.

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  (214): I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities. http://tfl.nu/q7gc
  Replies (10) Good night (1553) Bad night (739)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.

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  (419): WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME. http://tfl.nu/mbtp
  Replies (11) Good night (999) Bad night (1156)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

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  (202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0
  Replies (28) Good night (2972) Bad night (1078)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels

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  (469): You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels http://tfl.nu/mqc8
  Replies (8) Good night (1795) Bad night (490)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?

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  (413): How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA? http://tfl.nu/rcz7
  Replies (16) Good night (909) Bad night (451)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.

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  (202): Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want. http://tfl.nu/8zxe
  Replies (11) Good night (1615) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism

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  (616): There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism http://tfl.nu/r96o
  Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (223)

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