And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now