You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha