There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
