another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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