So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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