you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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