Porn is love you can see.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Actions speak louder than pants.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
